FICTION READING - DAWN FRENCH - this is an extract from Dawn French's first novel A tiny bit marvellous, set in Pangbourne (!?) and featuring the Battle family. It is the teenage daughter Dora's account of taking her Art GCSE exam (and loving Facebook).
A TINY BIT MARVELLOUS. DAWN FRENCH. 2010.
Fifteen hours of Art over two whole days, that was, just like, a punishment or something, not an exam. You weren't allowed out of the room or anything except for lunch and breaks and toilet breaks and stuff. It was like, so harsh? I have decided that even if it ever turned out that I was quite a good artist, I really don't want an artist's actual life. Not a painter anyway. All you do all day is paint and look at it and paint and look at it. By the end of these last two days I am so fed up looking at it, I never want to see it ever again. I never want to see the Art room ever again, it feels like I've been in there my whole life since the day I was born. And it's all been leading up to this day, the day I can say that's the last Art day I will ever do. Even though the teacher was saying, "Come on, Dora, stop talking and get painting, you can do it. Go Dora!' and stuff, I still feel like I've just spent fifteen hours working on something that's just going to be rubbish in the end. Nearly everything I do is rubbish. I know it is. I'm not dumb. I can see that other people are doing way better than me.
Anyway, it doesn't matter, it's done now and I've only got one cookery theory exam before I finish school forever. Omigod, no more school! Bring it on baby, yeh. What's it gonna be like? Oh, is that the alarm ringing at 7AM? Is it for me to get up and put on a rank burgundy and grey disgusting school uniform with absolutely zero taste? No - it isn't - because Dora Battle doesn't go to school anymore. Bye school! Seeya! Hasta La Vesta, school! Bon voyage!
Why is studying text books so effing hard? I tried to be dyslexic way back in Year 8, because they get extra time and wordsearch and spellcheck and stuff but apparently I'm not, which is really annoying. At least I did find out that I need glasses so that's something. Not sure that totally 125% explains why I hate reading though. It could be because I actually just hate reading, words and sentences, and textbooks 'n' shizz. BUT What's really interesting, and I think the government should like wake up and realise this about young people today, is that I really do love reading Facebook and MSN 'n' stuff, and that is, after all, reading isn't it? It's still words.
If I was allowed to, and if my prison warden mother let me, I would stay on Facebook all night instead of sleeping. Well, not completely instead of, but I could so mange on like two hours of sleep instead of the eight hours she forces me to have.
I luuurve Facebook. I love it so much I would marry it. Darling Facebook, please marry me so's we can always be together and you can entertain me non stop and I will never be bored.
Wish I had more friends on there, though. Lottie's got three hundred or something but like she's really pretty and popular 'n' stuff. Even if I had, like a hundred, it would be like so great. I've got some new ones recently but mostly they are my cousin's friends from their school and they're so immature 'n' stuff. Lottie's brother is one of my friends. He's cool but he's crap at answering and he only talks about his girlfriend all the time. Yeah thanks I so get the hint. (French, 2011, p.219-220).
REFERENCE
French, D. (2011 [2010]) A tiny bit marvellous. London: Penguin.
French, D. (2011 [2010]) A tiny bit marvellous. London: Penguin.
